Running through the lowest level of the Ministry, Adam could feel the muscles in his legs and lower back burning from the exertion as he hurtled towards the door that signified the start of the Department of Mysteries. An urgent, unsigned owl had informed him moments before of something horrible, something he knew would have shaken his absolute best friend in the world to his very core if he'd heard, and it had been no contest to pull him out of a meeting with the young band he currently managed. Luckily, he'd already been in London, so it had been short work to Apparate there and hurry into the Ministry, (even managing to get one of those new funny entrance coins) just hoping that he could find Dave (still affectionately called Davey whenever they had the chance to see each other) here. And to think, he'd spent so much time trying to hide away from the turmoil of the war with Voldemort only to pay attention now. Finally, he reached the door to the Department of Mysteries, a little thrown for a loop when he stepped in - he'd never actually been down here before, so the spinning room definitely made him feel quite out of sorts. He looked about uncertainly, hands on his knees as he hunched over, rubbing at a small cramp in one calf before straightening up and rushing to one door. Please let him pick a good door.... He pulled it open, looking into a strangely twinkling room, and yelled at the top of his lungs, "DAVEY! DAVEY BLACKWELL, ARE YOU IN HERE?!"

The large crystal faces of the clocks that hung on every open wall space of the much rumoured 'Time Room,' reflected Adam from every possible direction as the man practically threw himself in there. His voice rattled the clocks, their sensitive time keeping hands and weights, keeping perfect rythem to all time. His shouting managed to set off a few alarms, a few cookoos, and caused a large grandfather clock to chime its great large alto. Even the crystal bell jar in the center vibrates unusually due to this interruption. The previously quieter room of tick sounds was now full of horrible noises, all thanks to Adam Aubrey and his shouting. It was almost immediately a bleach blonde woman with a round face emerged from a side room, wearing the dark umimpressive robe of the Unspeakables. She too, like this room, were said to not exist. The previous damage done during Harry Potter's 'Battle of the Department of Mysteries' had long been cleaned up, as if it had never happened. This girl took one glance at Adam and then scurried off, as if alarmed by his presence, but not once spoke to him.

There had only been time to clap his hands over his ears, cringing horribly at the racket he'd caused, and only after the woman (girl?) was nearly out of sight did Adam see her. "HEY!" he shouted after her, glancing around in amazement before taking off after her. Merlin, was he going to be running around all night? Much as he'd like to pretend he was still young (as evidenced by his 'job', which he'd shown to be surprisingly exceptional at), he was already in his thirties, and turning 31 later this year, so he knew he realistically wouldn't be able to keep this up for terribly long. "Hey, wait, I''m looking for Davey Blackwell, could you at least - ARGH, SLOW DOWN, WOMAN!" he yelled, yanking open a door that had nearly shut after her. "HEY! I just need to find somebody!"

Adam's continued shouting now made the closest crystal-like clear balls containing mist-like substances practically rattle on their shelves as the man entered the infamous Hall of Prophecy. It was the place where towering shelves contained row upon row of hundreds upon thousands of these glass orbs. Some yellow and dusty from age, some clear and glossy as if newly produced that very day. Each one had a label on the shelf, and as Adam shouted, one such label unstuck itself. Filtering about in the air current of the room, the yellowed label landed on the next aisle over from where Audrey had entered. The toe of a motorcycle boot stepped down, catching the paper on the floor before an unblemished male hand came down to pick it up. Stepping out from the previous row, a slightly taller figure with a possibly similar build, but wearing a similar dark blue robe of an Unspeakable, moved closer to Adam. The face was hidden of course, and the hand reached out to place the label back where it was. It would of been impossible to distinguish this Unspeakable from the one that swept the ground several aisles over, except this one wore chipped and worn black nail polish on his short trimmed nails.

Adam turned a bit, and then jumped slightly, startled to see one of the people standing so close to him. He tried to peer surreptitiously into the hood to see who it was, completely failing to notice the hands (or rather, the nail polish) as he asked in a slightly nervous tone, "Er... if you could help me, I'm looking for Davey Blackwell. The girl who just ran through here wasn't particularly helpful, and I really need to speak to him - it's kind of urgent." Why did he feel like his heart was trying to beat out of his chest?

The hooded head turned slightly to the side, as if watching another aisle. The upper body of the hooded person turned completely around, his held wand with a lit end being only real source of light in the dark foreboding room. The cadles at either end did little to help, and even in morning or mid afternoon, the place was eerily dark. The Unspeakable Adam had addressed seemed to take a few steps back from him before turning to almost go down the row. But instead, he just stood there, as if waiting or trying to make a decision. Or maybe he was simply listening. Finally, his nailpolished finger rose up to his hood and under the top of the hood, finger pressing to possibly familiar soft lips. "Shhhhh," came his sound before glancing to the side again quickly. Both hands came up and pushed down the hood, revealing it was in fact very MUCH David Blackwell. His hair was the same, his face was the same (only older), and he still retained his youthful appearance despite pushing 30. He stared wide-eyed at Adam, having never once dropped the mild eyeliner despite his 5 almost 6 years of service as an Unspeakable.

Adam's breath caught at seeing his friend (lover??) - for the first time in a very long time. He still looked adorable as always, and there was still something youthful about him that made Adam want to just jump on him and hug him right there. "Davey!" he started to say, remembering a second later that Davey had shushed him, and he lowered his voice, glancing around before stepping closer to him. "Is there somewhere we can go to talk in private?" he whispered, sticking close to his friend. "Or is there any way you can leave for the night? I'd rather do that, if you're able to."

Davey’s expression turned into one of confusion and deep-set concern. Fuck, he thought, even Adam understood the Rules. A member of the Unspeakles should not venture outside the walls of the area, except to their own homes nearby. It had been too long since had had seen Adam though, and Davey could only make himself not think rather surreal thoughts that could of brought him here. Breathing in and out hard, Davey placed both hands lightly on Adam's chest and guided him back to the time room without giving the slightest push. Once they passed the threshhold, Davey turned and closed the door dividing the rooms, letting it seal itself. Now the Time Room had quieted, and Davey looked from the continuously regenerating humming bird and back to Adam. "Why?" Davey mouthed, his lips seemed to stick to one another, as if hadn't spoken in a while.

"Haven't you... haven't you HEARD what happened? With You-Know-Who, and Dumbledore, and everything else?" Adam asked, his eyes widening in surprise, the lights in the room dancing off his lip ring a little bit. He shook his head a bit, finding it a little odd that it WOULDN'T be known to him, but... "Davey- Dave, is everything okay? You seem... different from last time I saw you. Is everything okay??"

Davey's eyes spoke for him, and they went from wide surprise to shocking curiosity to extreme worry. He shook his head quietly, then nodded, then shook again. He wasn't supposed to speak. Everything was being watched without being watched, and he had taken the oath. But bugger hell if something was deeply bothering him now, for it wasn't LIKE Adam to come barreling into the ninth floor like this! Either security had lapsed severely since the students got in two years ago, or Adam was JUST that fucking good. Davey squeezed his eyes closed as if fighting off a headache and then gestured by flicking his hand at the door Adam originally came in. He seemed to want Adam out, but maybe he would follow.

There was really nothing Adam could say to that. If Davey wasn't going to say anything, there wasn't anything he could do short of just blurting it all out here, and considering where they were right then, he really didn't want to cause a racket again. Letting out a sigh, Adam's shoulders slumped as if defeated, and he turned to start towards the door. "In case you were interested, I got an anonymous owl from someone, maybe about half an hour ago now, telling me something that I thought would be of huge importance to you, but I really have absolutely no clue right now how to react, Davey. It's been so long since I saw you last, and you're... kind of acting funny. Especially from how you were last time." All this was said as his back was turned to Davey, and without waiting for an answer, Adam tugged open the door into the spinning room.

Davey breathed out hard through his nose, pained by what Adam said. He knew he was right but he couldn't explain, not in this room. Everything the Unspeakables were...unspoken of. The training required took a lot of the humanity from them, but Davey was still Davey! He hadn't changed! He wanted to prove that to his oldest best friend (lover??) and he came up behind him quickly and gave Adam's body a small shove out into the room with the glittering floor. The only sound was the grinding of smooth stone as the room slowly moved, and once Adam cleared the door, Davey stepped out. The door to the Time Room closed instantly behind him, and Davey stepped over to the door that would let them out to the main hallway. Davey automatically chose the right door and held it open, and stared back as if waiting for Adam.

Adam had to try and hold back a grin at that. He had suspected saying something like that would provoke Davey into being a little like how he used to be. So, trying to keep a blank face, he followed Davey, giving him a curious look as he paused at the door and asked, "How did you pick the right door right off? Or is it a secret?"

Davey blinked slowly as he stared back at Adam, and for the first time in perhaps really a year or even more, the eldest Blackwell brother grinned. Or rather, Smirked. He waited until Adam passed back out into the main area before following him, letting this door closed. The only thing now was them a small hallway of black marble, and the elevator shaft door. Davey drew back the sleeve of his robe and pointed upwards at the ceiling and then the elevator, showing he wanted to go up with him.

"Are you not allowed to talk?" Adam asked his (former?) lover incredulously, maybe starting to realize only now how idiotic he must have sounded with his incessant questions. "I mean, you were fine before, but... is this something new? And are you allowed to come talk to me, or are you breaking the rules?" Psssh, like he cared about breaking the rules.

Davey gave Adam a small start of a understanding expression and nodded slightly to answer him that yes he couldn't talk while in the level nine area. He reached out and pressed his pale hand on Adam's shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze to show that he still very much was fine and was GLAD to see Adam. At the bit about breaking the rules, Davey made en expression like he would laugh if he could, and he had to bite his bottom lip as the skin around his eyes and over the bridge of his nose crinkled a little as he grinned. He then tilted his head to motion to the elevator. Once he was out of this area, things could be different.

Ohhh, man, Adam had never been so glad to see Davey grin at him as he was at that moment. He reached up to close his fingers around Davey's hand, squeezing his hand gently before pulling his hand away from Davey's reluctantly and making towards the elevator. "I know I don't usually go into sentimentalities, but - I really missed you, lately, Davey. A lot," he said in a quiet voice, letting a note of fondness enter his voice at that.

Davey had a difficulty holding Adam's gaze at hearing that and had to tuck his head down a little, the one way he always handled compliments. Without even looking at him, Davey pressed his palm up over a metal plate on the wall, and an elevator slide in place as the metal doors opened. Davey them gave Adam a flushed glanced and then rotated his eyes to the elevator as if to tell him to get in. Davey even dropped his hand to lightly brush at the small of Adam's back.

A slight shiver went through Adam's back at feeling the light touch of Davey's hand as he stepped into the small elevator room. He waited in a now comfortable silence, glancing at his friend every couple seconds with a tiny grin on his face as the elevator rose above the eight level. "So... what floor do we get off at, Davey?" he asked as he watched his friend reach for one of the buttons.

The voice came on through a speaker, announcing floors as the elevator went up. Level eight, level seven past the MagicalTrading Standards Body, Brokerage Exchange, and upwards. It wasn't until they were at level on the main Atrium that Davey arched his eyebrows up and held up both hands, and said "Here?" As if unsure, but with a grin.

"Oh!" Adam gave him a sheepish grin and quickly punched the button to let them off. "Well, in that case.. Where shall we go, then? Um. Is your flat okay? I mean, we can at least talk privately there, so nothing's assumed," he added quickly, though he half hoped that if Davey did take the news badly, he'd be able to comfort him adequately. It kind of bothered him that it would have to come from him, though.

Davey stared at him, his eyes growing wide again at just hearing 'flat.' He hadn't even been outside of the building in that long, but to have Adam in HIS flat!? Davey rapidly nodded, unable to hold back his juvenile-like excitement at this, almost forgetting he really WAS free to come and go, it was just the training and strict guidelines of their work that kept them there. "Yes," Davey finally managed to get out, swallowing hard with a dry throat as he spoke. He stared at Adam with a hopeful look, even looking him over slightly to just take him in. And that was when Davey sort of pointed to the large oversized fireplaces of the Floo network.

"A-Adam?" Davey asked quietly right after that. "I..is it my brother?" He asked hesitantly, referring to what Adam was bellowing before.

Adam had to hesitate at that before finally saying 'No,' in a subdued voice as they made their way to one of the many fireplaces. "It's not about Mike, really. But, um.. No, it's about a certain teacher we once had. Like I said, got some urgent news, that I don't think is really widely known yet, so I'd rather not talk about it here. Not with all the... paranoia around lately." And as he reached out for some of the Floo powder beside one of the outgoing fireplaces, he reached one arm around Davey's back and threw the powder into the flames as he urged Davey to say his destination. A moment later, he tugged Davey in with him, and they traveled together to Davey’s flat there in London.

Adam had pulled Davey into the Floo fireplace even before he could really comprehend what he was told. In a matter of moments after he weakly gave instructions for his flat he felt the all at once familiar tug of his naval being pulled and the released as it came into voiew. "Wait, What!?" Davey asked quickly and stumbled out and onto some papers without meaning too that were in a neat pile. Davey immediately dropped down to pick them up. "W-ho? What...?" He asked, glancing up from the floor.

"Okay, um, first, tell me what you know about the whole war thing, just so I don't leave out anything important," Adam said as he made a sweeping wave of his hand, wand cleverly hidden up the overlong sleeve of his sweater, making the mess straighten itself up. He'd gotten quite good at that in the last few years, though he'd never really gotten a chance to do it in front of Davey until now.

Davey found his hands empty as the papers slide away, following Adam's will. He slowly pulled himself up to stand and cleared his throat, blinking fast. "Two years ago there was a break-in. Some of the Prophesies were destroyed and-there isn't a war, surely! It was just a prank, by some students." He said, repeating the samething they were told, the samething he had been made to believe. Yes they were that sheltered!

"If there's a war...I.." He looked lost.

Adam turned to stare at Davey, absolutely stunned by this. "Wow. Your superiors are really doing a number on you guys. Harry Potter and his friends were the students who broke in, Sirius Black was killed in some room in the Department, and a bunch of Death Eaters were captured during the break in. You-Know-Who was also seen for the first time by Ministry officials, and it was the start of this second war against him." He winced a bit at Davey's reaction, and came over to grip his hands, saying quietly, "Here, let's get you out of those robes and into something more comfortable. You're going to need all the comfort you can get, I think. Anything to eat, or drink?" And he pulled Davey over, already reaching up to try and tug at the fastenings of his lover's robes even as he was trying to sit him down.

Davey couldn't even find words to speak at what Adam told him just now. In essence, he had been given a summary of the greatest and most trying events of the last year and a half in the outside world, and Davey had to literally consider each item as he took it in. Stunned stupid, he gave no resistance to Adam pulling him, and he didn't even notice his outer robe was being taken off. Underneath, he had a plain white button dress shirt and matching loose trousers to the robe, the same dark navy blue. Ill-fiitting, ugly, it was what they were made to wear so each and everyone blended together, as all Unspeakables were. Davey swallowed hard and tried to speak as he stared at Adam with wide eyes, but his mouth was too dry. His adam's apple bobbed in his throat and he made a sound like he was having some difficulty breathing. "Drink..?" He finally got out. Most of what Adam told him sunk in by now, and Davey looked overly-worried. "Harry Potter...row ninety-seven-but it was destroyed-" He was speaking, probably not making sense to Adam, about the Prophecy stored specifically about young Harry that had been smashed during the Battle. "And V-" He was trying to talk, trying to say You Know Who's name, but it was either fear of the name or his drymouth that made it difficult. Also, Davey was clinging tightly to Adam now.

Adam was at once torn between getting Davey some water, and just staying there and hugging the other man. "Are you okay?" he asked urgently, knowing that Davey had only got a tiny fraction of the story. "Here, sit down, love, I'll go get you some water," he said, voice cracking slightly out of nerves as he tried to sit his lover down, and he was so unsure that he didn't even realize he'd called Davey 'love' - a pet name which Davey had often called HIM, but HE had never actually said to Davey yet.

"I am sitting," Davey replied in a whisper as he sat down on the bed in the single room flat. His body was heavy as he sat, his arms resting on his lap as he sat. His longer legs were sprawled out in front of him, the toes of his boots turned inward. His navy blue robe laid carefully on the chair nearby. He hadn't even noticed Adam lying it there. "Vold-" Adam tried again, practically shrilling out the first part of the name before letting the rest disappear. "My..my cousin was one. Did I ever tell you?" Davey said, just loud enough for his voice to carry wherever Adam had gone. Davey looked as if he was somewhere between shock and just stunned stupid.

"Do you mean that chick cousin you were always talking about Cor - uh - Cor-something?" Adam called. He felt kinda bad that he couldn't exactly remember her name, but hey, he was more concerned with Davey right now. He reappeared a moment later, carrying a bottle of water he'd grabbed from the fridge and opening it as he made his way to the couch. He had been so quick he hadn’t even stopped to take in the flat, its contents, and how Davey had chosen to decorate (or lack of.) He handed it off to Davey, making sure to keep a hold on it until he was sure his lover wouldn't spill. "I think you mentioned it once or twice," he said softly, watching Davey carefully.

Davey had been staring forward, his eyes unfocused. He was paler than ever, and the slight eyeliner he still continued to wear to that day seemed grow dry, flakey or smudged, created smudges under and over his eyes. Maybe there had been tears? He glanced over, and seemed to come back to reality of seeing a water bottle and grabbed it. Sitting more upright, he chugged literally half the cold bottle, his throat arching back as he swallowed over and over. His other hand reached out a little shakingly, looking for Adam.

The question 'are you okay' was on the tip of Adam's tongue as he reached to grip at Davey's hand, but he didn't bother asking. It was clear that Davey was upset, or distressed by something. Dropping to the floor, Adam moved around in front of Davey, lightly rubbing at the younger man's thigh in a soothing manner as he instead said quietly, "Heeey... why don't I stay with you tonight. And let me know if you want me to blab what I know tonight, or if you want some time to sort through everything, okay, Davey?" With a tentative smile, he rubbed his fingers up a little higher, attempting to lighten the mood even though his voice was still soft, saying, "What do you say, Davey baby?"

Davy felt his brows come together, giving him a slight frustrative look, but not because of what Adam would think it was for. True, Davey had much to catch up on, but he also knew the punishment or penalty of not showing up the next day at his post to perform his substandard duties of dusting the prophesies would surely be noticed. But with a WAR on, that meant deaths. That meant bloodshed. That meant danger. That meant there was much more out there with meaning and purpose then hiding deep in caverness innards of the damn Ministry. Davey breathed out hard, his heart racing. He wanted to know, he decided. He wanted to know what had happened in the last couple of years he had been spending being indoctrined in the brainwashing ways of the Ministry of Magic. "Adam," Davey said finally, still swallowing hard but at least now he could speak with a moist tongue, so his words could flow as easily as his thoughts. "If what you can tell me is as-" he started to say and swallowed. "Bad as I'm guessing, I may not even be able to go back." He shifted his eyes down to stare at Adam, his mouth flat in a line. He sniffed and his eyes looked like they could water but didn't. "I'm not brave enough to handle this on my own, I want to stay." He said in a quiet voice.

For some reason, Davey's response was enough to bring a lump to Adam's throat, and he found himself biting his lip, letting it all sink in - everything he had been ready to tell Davey was finally starting to sink in so much that he actually felt himself tearing up at the thought, something he really hadn't done a whole lot. Not since five years ago when he'd had to leave Davey for the first time due to his sister’s severe car accident, and before that... when he'd received that horrible letter from his father on his 17th birthday. Swallowing hard, Adam let his fingers grip Davey's leg before he managed to say, "If that's your choice..."

"I made a choice five years ago when you had to leave. It didn't do much but seemingly hide reality, if what you're telling me is whats going on. I honestly haven't trusted myself since being on my own since then. Between you and Severus Snape's mentorship, I was able to actually DO anything. Like saving Mike when he was shot-" Davey started to tell him, his eyes moving back and forth, unable to stay focused in one spt, as he spoke in a slow tone. It was something he had developed since he spent so little time speaking. A complete turn around from how he was when he was a teenager. The moisture moved from his mouth to the rims of his eyes, and although Davey wouldn't let himself cry, he blinked and a tear escaped. His nostrils flared and he seemed to be working every muscle to stop the inevitable. "And then Mikey was able to succeed and I just..couldn't. I got stagnate. I'm fucking rambling!" He added and brought the back of his hand up to press against his left eye. It goes without saying one takes two steps forward, only to tumble and take four steps back.

At that, Adam had to lean up to hug Davey tightly, now feeling more keenly than ever the guilt he had felt when he'd left that first time. "I'm so sorry, Davey, I feel like this might have been all my fault," Adam whispered. "I don't want you to hurt, baby, but I can't stop it. Especially not this time." He hesitated for a long moment before pulling back slightly, reaching both hands up to cup Davey's cheeks as he sighed and said in a whisper that Snape was - "-dead, I only was told about it just a little while ago. I wish I knew how, the note was short, and didn't give much detail," he said, leaning in to kiss Davey's cheek after a moment. "I'm SO sorry."

Davey sucked in all the moisture in his nose, and swallowed it once Adam was hugging him. It felt good for a short-lived moment (as had most positive things for Davey had been for five years) because the news, the real honest news that hit Davey square like a punch in the face, made him almost stop breathing. Not only did his face drop three shades to a new deathly pale, his eyes widened and he sat there, frozen. This was exactly the way it was back in 1980. His father held his hands against Davey's cheeks exactly the same way, kneeling in front of him, stating something similar about Her. To add insult to injury, all the connections that had been made relating his mentor, the teacher Davey almost never wanted to talk to but did because he was stupidly caught singing the man's own song (about HER no less): the engagement, the chance meetings at different times when Davey and his brother were growing up, the music, Severus being like the brother/mentor Davey always felt he wanted, someone to connect to. Gone? Davey was shaking his head now in Adam's hands. He was saying it over and over. "No. You're LIEING! YOU'RE ALWAYS LIEING!" Davey was getting louder, his voice cracking. He was going to be sick. He was ill. He was going to vomit. He was going to hit Adam. He was going to stop breathing. And for once, it was Davey who was starting to hyperventilate, and he could only think "inhaler!" But he never carried one. Maybe the joint in the small nightstand drawer next to his bed. Weed always helped. Maybe an oxycodone, there was a whole unlabeled bag in the same drawer. They always took away the pain....

Adam was struck dumb by that accusation, and his own face flushed with confusion and worry at Davey's vehemence. "No!" he cried, trying to hug the younger man again, trying to sooth him as he continued, "I'm not! When did I LIE to you, Davey? Please, calm down, I don't know what you're TALKING about! Please, Davey, just listen to me-"

"YOU PROMISED YOU'D COME BACK!" Davey shouted, something he had never really done before, but had felt the push to do suddenly. It felt like he was going mental, with all of these different emotions doing different things to him. Memories came at him in flashes, from their first together on Valentine's Day in that ruddy classroom, to the off and on again times, to the disagreements, the make ups-The one thing Davey couldn't recall, the one thing that was like a dark haze over his mind was that night. The night he can't remember but he knew something bad had happened and happened 'beyond' his control. He came home to a flat with just his brother present. No Adam. No Adam that night, and no Adam the next day. Then the surprise birthday party. Davey was very drunk, very depressed, and Mike had been the one to not only show real disapproval, but also told him with little regret of Adam's choice. "You...CHOSE...to not come back, and then I was told you were, but you didn’t. You tell me these LIES. Severus Snape is NOT dead. I would know!" Davey stammered out, trying to break Adam's hold on him in a pure emotional and uncontrollable mini tantrum.

"I DID come back! I visited you a couple times, as much as I COULD!" Adam exclaimed, trying not to feel terribly guilty about how deceptively infrequent those times had been. He had only been trying to get up the nerve to come back for good and get in touch with Davey again, had been trying his hardest to put aside the rumors he had heard, and his fears. That Davey had not only gotten engaged, but MARRIED (which turned out to be false.) Regardless, though, he struggled to keep his arms around his friend, finding that even despite all the shit that had happened, he still cared for, even LOVED Davey - and this was what he was getting? He really should have expected it. "DAVEY! I know how close you two were! Why the fuck would I come looking for you and tell you he's gone if it wasn't the truth? I liked him too, it was hard on ME to read the news, and I wanted to break it to you carefully, and now look at this!"

Davey was breathing so hard he practically was wheezing, and he thankfully quite trying to pull away to sit still. He stared at Adam with a horrified expression on his screwed face, his eyeliner now creating long black lines down his cheek. His chest was heaving up and down and he looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't. He finally swallowed, and with spit building up in the corner of his mouth, Davey spoke in a painfully quiet voice as his eyes started to flutter shut. "This is my fault, again." he said, because he knew that ever attempt he had made to keep Adam there; from begging to horcrux, to tantrums to bribes, had all gone the exact opposite way he had wanted. And he caused harm, deep harm, and gotten poor Professor Snape involved in something he didn't need to be. "Again, I'm...sorry-" Davey managed to get out as he felt so light headed like he was going to pass out.

Biting his lip almost painfully, Adam hugged himself to Davey and buried his face in the younger man's shoulder for a long moment, feeling his shoulders shake from the sheer effort to not cry. "Please... stop it, Davey, you're scaring me," Adam finally whispered, clutching one hand into the back of his lover's hair, scared not only of actually saying it out loud to DAVEY for the first time, but again finding himself scared of what Davey might do if he really got upset enough. He had NEVER understood what Davey had done that night he left unexpectedly, but he'd always assumed it was something very bad for how messed up it had made him feel. Sniffling loudly, he turned his head a bit, nose pressing against Davey's neck as he felt tears slipping down his cheeks.

Davey was having a hard time fully breathing because he was singularly able to work himself up to such a heavy emotional level that it became psychologically harmful. Only calming down would let him be able to breath and act normally and healthy, but only he alone could come down. Rocking a litle bit on the bed as Adam held and nuzzled his cheek, Davey closed his eyes and took several hard deep breaths. "Being-sorry-scares you?" He said through heaving gasps, and in a few moments he was able to bring himself down just as always had been capable of. It was just now with Adam there, Davey wanted to demonstrate some actual desire to bring on self-control. Maybe this time it would help actually KEEP Adam around instead of driving him away, as Davey knew every other attempt in the world had failed him. He raised his chin and sniffed the air as he worked to reign in the excess mucus, and saliva, the tears. To suck it all back in, clear his head as he blinked rapidly at the ceiling. His vision was too blurry to make out any details of it or the room, and he didn't care for it as a distraction anyways. "I've always been sorry-" And Davey was finally FINALLY able to let his body go limp, and he leaned forward against Adam, breathing shallowly as his eyes closed.

"You really want to know what scares me?" Adam asked in a whisper after a long moment. Now it was HIM who was clinging tightly, practically sitting in Davey's lap now, without even really meaning to, as he thought quickly about what to say.

Davey pushed back on the bed, automatically giving space to Adam as he climbed on his lap. Davey stared at Adam's damp cheek and shook his head once from side to side. Without even thinking on, the exhausted Blackwell brother brought his arms around Adam (still a little smaller than him in height and stature) and braced the other man against himself.

Davey then changed his mind and nodded, finding he'd have to be brave now and hear the possible damaging truth.

"Do you know what it feels like to think that nobody loves you? Or to know that all you're worth to someone is what you can do for them?" Adam whispered, lips moving, ghosting against Davey's neck. "To try so hard for years and years to be everything to everyone?"

Davey listened to him, and he found that he could only muster a small whine from his throat. Davey could only shake his head numbly and a little, as not wanting to actively hit Adam on the forehead with his ear. Davey didn't think he had done that to Adam, but now-a-days he never was so sure. He'd exercised his deceased cousin's philosophy of running away from problems, but now, he couldn't. He couldn't take Adam's problem and run it away. Davey only partially understood the problem, but felt horrid for it just the same. "Did I-" he started to ask, meaning did he do this to him.

"Remember when you first told me you loved me?" Adam interrupted, still not speaking above a whisper and still not looking at Davey. "How I said that I kinda liked hearing it but I didn't want to say it yet? Because I didn't know? Did you know that you were the first person to ever say that to me aside from my oldest sister and my mum?"

Davey moved his gaze to try to look at as much of Adam's face as he could without actually turning his head. He only saw a bit og his hair, bottom of his neck, and shoulder. "Yeah, I remember, but I don't think you told me tha'." Davey made a sharp sniff in and coughed lightly.

"Not even Amy said it," he mumbled, feeling a little lame about it now that he said it out loud. "And I just kind of accepted it, I acted like I really didn't care. I didn't even really know I DID care until you said it, and all of a sudden, it was this whole new thing for me, and it felt great at first. And then I started to feel weird about it, like I was being unfair to you, and that I was going to hurt you or drive you away. And everything kind of went to hell for me that last night, when she - I don't even think I told you then about my sister, really, but it scared the hell out of me. It fucked me up so badly, and all I could feel at first was this overwhelming.... feeling of - I felt torn between being scared that she was going to die, to being scared of she would be so damaged that life would be miserable for them, but I had to go, and see them for myself, and I didn't want to TELL you, because it was the hardest thing I ever did, leaving five years ago.. And then the rumors in the papers about your engagement. I don't even remember really WHY I believed anymore, I know its obviously not true. It's all so confusing."

"...all I wanted was to stay with you forever," Davey said after a moment, in a eerie calm yet strained voice of absolute truth. He had stopped trying to strain his eyes, and instead stared down at Adam's legs on his lap, and feet anchored to the floor. "I never felt you were holding me back, and when you left I thought I did something horribly WRONG. I wanted to force you to come back," Davey admitted, his face still pale and emotionless as he spoke. He was done trying to argue, debate, cry and throw tampertantrums. He spoke with an unattached voice.

"I know, Davey, I know," Adam mumbled, sighing a bit. "I tried to do that with my father, wanted to force him to stay when I knew he wasn’t. And he left me..." As his voice trailed away, Adam found himself tearing up again and pushed head down a bit, hugging Davey extra tightly as he whispered, "God... just like I left you." But he had come back, whereas Adam didn't even know what his father was DOING anymore.

"I'm SO sorry," he whispered, not even sure if Davey could hear him.

Davey's shoulders were already shaking a little as new tears, real hard tears, were coming on. He was trying so hard to keep control, the same control Severus tried to help him learn. The same control Davey had, lost, had again, and lost once more. "Why...why didn’t you come back? Why would I g..ge..get married? I don't fucking understand. You...I d..don’t l...like girls t..that w...way, I j-just w-want to l-l-love y-y-" God, Davey was fucking up. He knew it, he felt it, he was confusing things. He was just confused. Now all new fears were opening, plus him loosing control made him feel like he wronged Severus, and Adam. AND everyone. Was he being selfish again? "I-I don't k-k-know w-hat to d-d-do...S..Snape’s...d..dead," He was having such a hard time talking as he kept choking on his tears and lump in his throat.

Oh God. He had done it again. Why was it always HIM who made Davey so upset? He didn't WANT to. Shifting a bit, Adam, against his better judgement, but reacting purely on instinct at the moment, pulled Davey's face around only to plant a hard kiss to his lips. And no matter what Davey's reaction, he kept pressing kisses to his lover's mouth and chin and cheeks, but mostly just his mouth, until the man's tears started to subside. Only then did he finally throw caution to the wind, taking a chance as he declared quietly, "I DO love you, you idiot, and it took me hearing all about this SHIT, and my immediate thought being of YOU for me to come back, now stop fucking crying, or I swear to god, I'm going to go to freak out!" Since Davey really wanted to hear it so bad..."All you had to do was be patient," Adam said, his voice a little stronger now as he looked sadly at Davey, unhappy that it taken something like this for him to say anything, or do anything.